Curiosity Might’ve Killed the Cat But It Can Save Your Relationship

One of the reasons the beginning stage of a relationship is so exhilarating is that it is typically marked by curiosity and wonder about the person that has just entered your life. Attraction starts to develop as you learn more about their background, interests, and weird quirks. It can feel like there are endless things to learn, and curiosity about the unknown often feels exciting and intriguing.

However, as relationships develop, that curiosity tends to diminish. You might start adopting a fixed mindset about who your partner is and what motivates their behavior. You’re likely to assume you have learned all there is to know and can stop being as inquisitive and open minded as you once were. This approach to a relationship can be quite damaging to its overall health. Now, curiosity might have killed the cat, but it can save your relationship.

Being Curious

When you stop being curious, you make yourself susceptible to making assumptions or judgements about your partner. When an individual feels they are being judged, the natural response is to get defensive. Thus begins a very typical and toxic cycle. Partner A feels judged so they defend themselves. Partner B then feels hurt by Partners A’s defense and gets defensive as well. This cycle continues with both partners feeling judged and vulnerable; inevitably, they continue triggering one another until a big fight implodes. The best way to avoid or break this cycle is to be mindful of the assumptions or judgements you are making about others.

Judging

When you find yourself judging, ask yourself, “what can I be curious about instead?” For example, let’s say you are frustrated with your partner because they keep avoiding an important topic you want to talk about. Instead of thinking, “he is such a jerk, he won’t ever talk to me about this,” try adopting a curious stance by asking yourself or him directly, “what makes talking to me about this hard? What vulnerabilities might this conversation bring up? How can I approach this conversation in a better way?” Through this inquiry, you’ll begin to notice that it is quite difficult to be judgmental and curious at the same time. Furthermore, it is equally as challenging to be defensive and curious at the same time. Curiosity is a great way to slow down an exchange in order to allow space for both partners to respond from a more open and empathetic place.

Expressing Curiosity

Expressing curiosity by asking questions and seeking to understand your partner will create a much healthier cycle; one in which you both feel comfortable opening up and engaging authentically. Increase your mindfulness of others by questioning the assumptions you hold about them and how they function. Adopting a curious mindset will not only serve you in your romantic relationships, but in your platonic and professional ones as well. As Maya Angelou once said, “people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Taking the time to engage with others in a curious and open manner is a great way to make them feel seen, respected, and valued.

If you need a place to explore this curiosity, please contact us today to start couples counseling.

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Office Address

18 East 48th Street,
Suites 1104 and 1202,
NYC 10017

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Service Locations

New York, New Jersey, Conneticuit, Florida, California & Massachusetts

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Get Started Today

We’re pleased you are here, and we’re committed to finding the right person to help you with your mental health.

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Step 1: Connect

Finding the right person to help can seem challenging, which is why we offer multiple ways to connect with us. You can schedule a complimentary 20-minute consultation with our highly trained Clinical Coordinator, Alli Malamut, by either:

Calling or texting us at: 212-286-8801
Email us at: info@midtownpractice.com
By completing the form to the left.

If you do not reach us directly, you can expect to hear back from us the same day or within one business day.

Step 2: Get Matched

In order to find you an ideal fitting clinician or therapist, our Clinical Coordinator will want to learn more about you. Specifically, it would be helpful to hear about your concerns, personal preferences, and any relevant logistical matters (for example, in-person or video sessions? best time or day to meet?) During this call, please feel free to ask us any questions as well!

Please feel free to share with us if you have already identified someone you would like to work with from Our Team page.

Step 3: Check the fit

Connect with the clinician or therapist you are matched with to ask questions, share history, and make sure you feel comfortable about moving forward. If so, book your first session. If it does not feel right, circle back with us.

Step 4: Get started

Schedule time to meet with your new clinician or therapist and work towards living a more fulfilling life!

Over the years, we’ve found our thoughtful matching process is the surest way to find you an ideal clinician or therapist and achieve the best outcome for you.

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Call Us

212-286-8801

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Email Us

info@midtownpractice.com

Office Address

18 East 48th Street, Suites 1104 and 1202, NYC 10017

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